Chemistry

I could illustrate how to have sex in a cookie-cutter format. I could say, “Oh stick your leg straight up with your other out like that. Then you curl her leg up. Now you push your pelvis up. Now this.” Yet, all that does is make sex sound like a scary awkward robotic dance, which is the opposite of what it really is! There is so much more to having sex than physical movement. Hot sex has tension, there is chemistry. When there is something going on, on an intellectual level, in addition to physical attraction, the sex becomes THAT much more exciting. It is the mentality we have going into the sex that makes or breaks the arousal, intensity, and satisfaction of it.

Just because I choose to be polygamous, does not mean I don’t want chemistry with each person in my rotation. I will tell you right now, the kind of men I least enjoy are the ones I am unable to make an intellectual connection with. They usually turn out to be a one-time deal. Honestly, having sex with a good looking but terribly unintelligent man— it doesn’t do it for me; With a man who cannot hold a conversation with me— it doesn’t do it for me. I need to have a connection with a person in order to enjoy him. To my dismay, this does not mean I have a connection with every man I go home with. Bad decisions inevitably happen. But what I have learned from them is to not have false hopes for the attractive but stale ones. If the tone of tension is non-existent during conversation with our mouths, how can we expect it to be interesting with our entire bodies? This is why I got so irritated when a boy came up to me at Scorekeepers recently and asked me if I wanted to hook up with his friend. Are we 7th graders at a Bar Mitzvah? Was he actually being his friend’s messenger? This boy was too afraid to just come talk to me. What the hell was he going to do when we were lying on top of each other?! The fact that he thought I would consider fucking him after he sent a messenger over to me was a joke. He clearly hadn’t the slightest clue about what chemistry is.

Boys, most girls are not going to have sex with you based on your looks alone. Let’s face it. You are going to need to woo them with chemistry. Unlike men, women think, “I want to be introduced to him,” rather than “I’d fuck him.” Boys, in most cases, you are going to need to pass the personality test before you get to take the physical. Just because you don’t want a relationship, does not mean communicating with her would not benefit your sex. Remember, guys, you want HER to be into it because if she isn’t, you are going to get bored really fast. Why? Because if she gets bored, I guarantee that she is going to be lying straddled on her back like a dead fish waiting for you to come and get it over with. Then, you are going to want to just get it over with, too. You find yourself fantasizing about the latest porno you’ve watched to be able to finish. If you do not mind sacrificing being able to sprawl out on your bed in your sleep and then have to deal with getting her home the next day—all for bad sex—then I’m speechless.

Chemistry, boys. You want it. Think of your words, mannerisms, and attitude as your electrons which are going to be what convinces her electrons to join you. For two chemicals to become a molecule, they need to have their electrons join forces. Make yours do just that with hers. This is how you are going to spark their estrogen. But, please do not do what my old friend Walter does. In order to have sex with his flavor of the night, he morphs into the character she wants him to be. We all saw how he excellently morphed into Sebastian, did we not? The problem though, is that he usually fails to enjoy them. Chemistry is a nuisance for my friend, Walter, but what he must admit is that this lack of chemistry usually leaves him disappointed; this explains why he doesn’t have sex with many girls more than once. Without chemistry, Walter has no yearning to go back to them.

Good sex does not necessarily have to involve you all over each other the second you get into the cab. Sometimes, I don’t even like that because there is no opportunity to build more tension. Uncontrolled sex is great for the 1 or 2 sorority date parties I go to every semester. But other than that, I prefer to be teased a little. Last semester I really enjoyed this guy Nohan who sadly graduated. He enabled chemistry, which made me come back time after time. He also did not force sex upon me the very moment we entered his bedroom.

The first night I go back with him—well, the first time outside of Acapulco—Nohan shares with me all of these art projects he has made, including a shoe he painted. Then, he shows me his box of keef...