Ask Isabella Q&A: Masturbation
Hi Isabella,
First of all I think what you do is incredible. I really appreciate your message that girls should be able to be just as open about sex as boys. Every boy loves his penis, but most girls don’t have that special relationship with their vaginas. Reform must take place, so thanks for being a leader of this revolution. Anyway, I have a problem and on your blog you said we could ask anything, so I thought I’d share a problem I’ve had with you, in case you have time/interest to answer it. I don’t like receiving oral sex. I really like giving it, but whenever I’ve gotten it, I just feel like slapping the boy’s head away. I enjoy vaginal sex what I think is the average amount for someone who has slept with inexperienced boys only, but I just can’t wrap my head and legs around the idea of getting eaten out. It might also be important to note that I don’t know how to masturbate. I have tried and tried to explore down there, but I always come back just feeling a tiny bit horny but with no chance of ever being able to orgasm like that. Why can’t I figure out my vagina?
Sincerely,
Gisele
Gisele—
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your vagina. Everyone’s vagina has different preferences for pressure and texture. In fact, I am not a fan of receiving oral sex, either. It’s not because my vagina isn’t working; I just find that there is only so much pressure a tongue could put on me down there. Frankly, a tongue just isn’t enough to stimulate my clitoris. I prefer fingers and penises because they’re much stronger than a tongue. And as for my G spot roughly 5 inches deep, there’s no hope for a tongue to reach it. I completely understand why you feel like slapping his head away…he’s wasting his time and yours! Sure, a tongue can help lubricate your vagina, but it’s not always effectively arousing. It’s strong enough for some vaginas, but not for ours!
Masturbation. I do masturbate, but not by sticking my finger in my hole towards my G-spot. Yes, Shannon Elizabeth looks incredibly sexy in American Pie when she lies on Jim’s bed and effortlessly sticks her finger in herself. Realistically, though, Shannon’s methods are inefficient and over-glamorized. The film was directed by the Weitz brothers, two men, which explains why the act of female masturbation isn’t performed correctly. When I masturbate, I work with my clitoris because I do not have a penis handy to go deep into me. Yes, I could get a dildo, but it’s not the same as an authentic dick. My fingers are also not long and fat enough.
The female genital area is not as user-friendly as that of the males and we cannot just whack off conveniently while sitting on our asses. When I was very young, I would get these instinctive urges to “massage my vagina.” That’s what I would call it before masturbation entered my vocabulary. I’m about to explain to you an awkward position, but it’s how you can masturbate and come every time. You don’t even have to take off your pants to do it. Sweatpants, leggings, boxers, and underwear are good. NO JEANS. The more thin cushioning, the better.
Lie on your stomach on your bed and obviously just turn your head so you can breathe. Take in both of your hands which are lying at your sides, and place them between your vagina and the bed surface. Think of each hand as cupping each side. Move your thumbs closer into the center slightly in front of the rest of your fingers so that your thumbs are inwardly parallel to each lip and ready to push toward the middle into your clitoris. Your thumbs are your front-runner massagers. While massaging, your pointer and middle fingertips should start to touch your lower vagina lightly, but feel free to push those fingers harder for more stimulation (I always do). The upper half of your fingers (near your knuckles) are pressing on your thumbs, which are pressing on your vagina. This creates the overall pressure. Your lips are the mediators between your pressure and your clitoris which make your clitoris’s stimulation feel not as harsh.
As you massage with your body weight pushing your vagina down on both hands, you need to fantasize about whatever turns you on. Note that you are not going to feel an orgasm UNTIL you climax. You need to massage and massage in order to get to that point. And you are not going to get aroused unless your mind is into it. You MUST fantasize. If you cannot think of a scenario that gets you off, I suggest doing what ALL men do when they have that problem. Watch porn. I prefer porn with a plot. My favorite is the schoolgirl/teacher scenario. As you fantasize and/or watch porn, you need to just keep massaging until you reach an overwhelmingly arousing part of your fantasy, which you can call an orgasm. Keep massaging until the orgasm is completely over. When the orgasm happens, lasting just a few seconds, trust me— you’ll know it. Also, if you have access to marijuana, it definitely makes you hornier. Marijuana also intensifies and extends your orgasm.
-Isabella
The details of female masturbation are definitely not easy to articulate. I encourage anybody in need of more clarification to email me. Or, if you have questions about ANYTHING else—girls and boys—please ask away. Don’t be bashful.
